Spike turned a speculative look on Xander, eyebrow fully cocked
and aimed. “Whelp?” he drawled slowly.
Xander blushed, but didn’t take his eyes off Spike. He
met Spike’s look steadily, and then dropped his gaze, returning the slow, full body eye-fuck Spike had given him earlier.
Spike and Xander moved closer, eyes locked, until they stood
facing each other. The heat between them grew more palpable as they drew near one another, growing deeper in intensity until
it exploded in a blast of pheromones that hit the others like a cleansing flood, washing away the last lingering hints of
vanilla, dragon gore and hair gel.
“Well, this seems like the path least likely.
And kind of sudden,” Willow said, waving her hand in front of her face to dispel the cloud of Xander/Spike lust.
“But is it?” Xander asked, dragging
his gaze away from Spike. “I mean, who’s to say that I didn’t take Larry up on his oft unspoken offers before
graduation, just to make sure I wasn’t missing out on something in case I died? And what about Oxnard? Sure, it was a ladies’ club, but come on, all those hot, sweaty male dancers just
scream gayness. Oh, and my over-the-top, manly posturing hatred toward Angel and Spike? What was that, if not repression?
Or all those times I tied Spike up right next to my bed – we could have been up to naked shenanigans years ago.”
“But did you? Were you?” Willow asked.
“No,” Xander admitted. “But who’s to
say I couldn’t have? Get me?”
“Hmm,” Willow answered, considering. “Good point.”
Spike cocked a quick grin at Willow and then turned back to Xander, reveling in the hot chocolate lust glowing in those dark
eyes. “This is real, yeah, pet?” he said quietly. “No spell, no wish, no dream…just you and me.”
“Just you and me,” Xander agreed huskily. His tongue
snaked out to brush nervously against his lower lip and Spike growled low in his throat as he watched the motion.
Spike ignored the startled yelps from Buffy and
Willow behind him and even Xander’s gasp of surprise as he
lunged forward and captured Xander’s lips in a hotly possessive kiss. Since the invention of the kiss there have
been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one was way freakin’ hotter than those.
Willow said, staring, “I’m getting some of my ‘gay now’
street cred back, ‘cause watching them is so much hotter than the me and Spike thing.”
Xander’s chuckle was muffled in Spike’s mouth, his eyes closed tightly, his heart racing and the minimum
chafing from his leather pants suddenly accelerating to maximum chafing, but in a good way.
“Bleedin’ Jesus, pet, you can kiss,” Spike
said, as they broke apart, gasping.
Xander ducked his head bashfully. “What can I say? Months
of playing Cordy’s Closet – all red lips and blue balls? Let’s just say I learned through necessity that
my special skill was the first base orgasm.”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Buffy snarled. Spike
found himself separated from Xander as a righteously indignant Slayer shoved her way in between them. “Not ten minutes
ago, you were all ‘Ooo, ah, Buffy’ and making with the vampire pissing contest with Angel, and now suddenly you’re
spelunking in Xander’s tonsils and giving him the behind-blue-eyes of love.”
Spike pushed Buffy off, glaring at her. “Well, it’s
not about you now, Buffy, is it? Look at you, still trying to play me and Angel against each other. Well, you know what? We
made a pact, the Poof and me. We’re movin’ on.”
Buffy shot a glare over her shoulder to Angel, who raised his
hands to his chest in a lamely defensive ‘Hey, not me’ gesture.
Spike looked back at Xander. “So, we kissed. Gonna punch
“No,” Xander said firmly, not taking his eyes from
“You gonna have the Slayer dust me? Let the witch turn
me into something nasty?”
Xander shook his head slowly, a smile quirking his lips.
Spike moved closer to him until they were almost touching from
shoulder to knee. “Am I ‘beneath you’?” he asked so quietly that had Xander not been staring at his
lips he would have missed the words.
Xander closed the distance between them, one hand settling on
Spike’s hip as the other rose to cup his jaw. He leaned in until his lips just brushed Spike’s ear and breathed
hotly, “Not yet.” He rolled his hips, his pelvis dragging across Spike’s in unspoken promise.
“I want you,” Xander said, tuning
out Willow’s gleeful voyeurism, Angel’s semi-discreet panting
and Buffy’s laser-like eye-rolling. “I want this, whatever it is.”
“And I want you prostrate while I’m above you, slamming
your prostate.” Spike watched as Xander’s eyes darkened to the color of really expensive bittersweet South American
chocolate. “Maybe this was it, pet,” Spike said softly. “Why we’re back here. So’s you and me
could find each other.”
“Oh, and I’m self-involved?” Buffy
asked harshly. Spike and Xander turned to see that her eye rolling had reached spinning velocity. “Yeah,” she
said, dripping still faintly vanilla scented sarcasm, “that’s why we’ve all been brought back to the Hellmouth,
so that you two could gay up.”
“Well, I’m glad I got to see it,” Willow
“Come on,” Buffy said, turning away from them. “We’re
not gonna figure out what the Big Bad is standing here on the street watching Confused Sexual Identity Theatre.”
She put her hands on her hips, surveying the deserted main street. “Let’s go to my house and try and re-group.”
She headed out, glancing back to see Willow gamely following
behind her, Angel stoically picking up weapons and avoiding the hot guy-on-guy action and Xander and Spike pressed together,
attempting to reach saliva nirvana.
Buffy gave one last disgusted eye roll. “Nothing
we find here could be more frightening than that.”
A note from the snarkstress: Thank you for reading this
Very Special Episode of my It’s All Been Done fic. As much fun as the snark has been, I’d like to take a moment to talk to you about something serious. It’s
something that affects an estimated 30% of slash fanfiction. I’m talking about the use of prostrate for prostate in
graphic descriptions of hot man-on-man sex. Prostrate is the act of lying flat or level to the ground. It can also
be used to signify helplessness. The prostate is a muscular, glandular organ, which surrounds the urethra in males,
and can produce extremely pleasurable reactions when stimulated by, oh, say the penis of a vampire. The more you know –
the less people are likely to mock you. Thanks for reading.
"Since the invention of the kiss..." is, of course, from
The Princess Bride by William Goldman.