Beauty Effulgent

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Spander Mad Libs

Spander Mad Lib

We have created art! I couldn't choose a "Best in Series" but I awarded worthless points for those moments that made me snurfle Diet DP out my nose.

The lovely Spander Mad Lib stories are listed below in all their incomprehensibility. Sue's original sweet story is listed last. Here are the pervy (or just plain esoteric) results:

Spike and Xander's Trip to the Store

by Elcazvampiros

Spike and Xander went to the head shop to buy Xander a new pair of bustiers. Spike sniffled in distress as he looked around at the rows of wacky new shoelaces.

Xander smiled angelically and slipped off his jockstrap to try on a bustier. "What do you think of this?" he asked, holding up the insane brown bustier for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much healthier foot into the jockstrap Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toe in the roomy jockstrap. "Yowza, Xan! Your toenails must be bleedin' enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big toenails, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "wrist."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of achy black Vokal tanktops with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the tanktops and sliding them stupidly up over his ankles to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright gold vintage Polos on the shelf next to them.

Xander paid for the tanktops and then took Spike by the shoulder as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to Applebees and buy me a veal?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you grimace it all the way home."

(Note from Sue: And you know, there's nothing like grimacing a good veal.)

 

by Twilightsfic (Jenny & Maya)

Spike and Xander went to Victoria's Secret to buy Xander a new pair of jockstraps. Spike leaped in hyperactivity as he looked around at the rows of blue new bras.

Xander smiled loosely and slipped off his sock to try on jockstraps. "What do you think of this?" he said, holding up the furry brown jockstrap for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much faster foot carefully into the sock Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toe in the roomy sock. "Holy fuck, Xan! Your thumb must be bleedin' enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big thumbs, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "hips."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of chocolaty black Carharts with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the work pants and sliding them pantingly up over his ankle to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright orange vintage Vision Streetware.

Xander paid for the pants and then took Spike by the ass as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to I-Hop and buy me bananas?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you suckle them all the way home."

(Note from Sue: Just picturing drawers and drawers of furry brown jockstraps at Xander's...)

 

by Stoney321

Spike and Xander went to the New Fine Arts XXX video store to buy Xander a new pair of personal snot rags. Spike squatted in fright as he looked around at the rows of green new left socks.

Xander smiled sluttily and slipped off his right bra cup to try on a personal snot rag. "What do you think of this?" he asked, holding up the MASSIVE brown personal snot rag for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much smellier foot carefully into the left sock Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toes in the roomy left sock. "Great Googily Moogily, Xan! Your collar bone must be enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big collarbone, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "ass crack."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of pink-black Guess Jeans with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the jeans and sliding them quietly up over his ankle to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright fuchsia vintage Kangol Caps on the shelf next to them.

Xander paid for the jeans and then took Spike by the pinky finger as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to Chili's and buy me some chips and salsa?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you crack nuts with 'em all the way home."

(Note from Sue: Extra points to Stoney for rendering me speechless with: "Spike squatted in fright as he looked around at the rows of green new left socks.")

 

by Karabair

Spike and Xander went to the dildo shop to buy Xander a new pair of yarmulkes. Spike contorted in aloneness as he looked around at the rows of skanky new cockrings.

Xander smiled incoherently and slipped off his Spike/Angel in 2004 t-shirt to try on a yarmulke. "What do you think of this?" he said, holding up the vile brown yarmulke for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much smellier foot carefully into the cockring Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toe in the roomy cockring. "Jeepers, Xan! Your foreskin must be bleedin' enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big foreskin, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "vulva."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of finicky black FUBU's with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the sweatshirts and sliding them hesitantly up over his ankle to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright crimson vintage Pumas.

Xander paid for the sweatshirts and then took Spike by the buttock as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to Taco Bell and buy me a chalupa?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you execrate it all the way home."

(Note from Sue: Karabair wins most creative use of mouth. I had to look up execrate, and I did very well on verbal. It means to "curse.")

 

by Mousehounde

Spike and Xander went to the grocery store to buy Xander a new pair of gloves. Spike squeezed in annoyance as he looked around at the rows of balloon-like new hairnets.

Xander smiled unfortunately and slipped off his socks to try on gloves. "What do you think of this?" he said, holding up the narrow brown gloves for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much cleaner foot carefully into the socks Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toe in the roomy socks. "Oh, my goodness, Xan! Your elbow must be bleedin' enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big elbow, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "jaw."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of bossy black Osh-Kosh with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the overalls and sliding them blindingly up over his ankle to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright lime green vintage Gotcha's.

Xander paid for the overalls and then took Spike by the toe as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to Wienerschnitzel and buy me Velveeta cheese?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you drool it all the way home."

(Note from Sue: Mousehounde gets extra points for making me picture Velveeta cheese drool.)

 

by adis723 (my Vinnie!!!)

Spike and Xander went to the Wild Pair shoe store to buy Xander a new pair of toe socks. Spike slept in lividity as he looked around at the rows of insanely new boxers.

Xander smiled flailingly and slipped off his briefs to try on toe socks. "What do you think of this?" he said, holding up the yawing brown toe sock for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much smaller foot carefully into the briefs Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toe in the roomy briefs. "Summ-a-muh beetzch, Xan! Your back of the knee must be bleedin' enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big back of the knee, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "back of the other knee."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of purplish-plumy-grapishly black Carlos Santana stiletto heels with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the high heels and sliding them mushingly up over his ankle to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright neon white vintage Hypercolors.

Xander paid for the high heels and then took Spike by the eyebrow as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to Cracker Barrel and buy me sashimi?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you shell and spit sunflower seeds with it all the way home."

(Note from Sue: Vin, where can I get a pair of purplish-plumy-grapishly black Carlos Santana stiletto heels?)

 

by Spikendru

Spike and Xander went to the hardware store to buy Xander a new pair of suspenders. Spike crawled in dismay as he looked around at the rows of bountiful new galoshes.

Xander smiled rapidly and slipped off his cod piece to try on suspenders. "What do you think of this?" he said, holding up the enormous brown suspenders for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much brighter foot carefully into the cod piece Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toe in the roomy cod piece. "My gracious, Xan! Your middle toe must be bleedin' enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big middle toe, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "gall bladder."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of dismal black Worth Couture with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the ball gowns and sliding them stupendously up over his ankle to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright hot pink vintage Jordasches.

Xander paid for the ball gowns and then took Spike by the spleen as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to Red Lobster and buy me mushrooms?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you spit 'em all the way home."

(Note from Sue: The visual of Xander with Worth Couture ball gowns tied to his feet was just...priceless.)

 

by loopy_1981

Spike and Xander went to the jewelry store to buy Xander a new pair of jeans. Spike sucked in excitement as he looked around at the rows of huge new tank tops.

Xander smiled tightly and slipped off his kilt to try on jeans. "What do you think of this?" he said, holding up the large brown jeans for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much quicker foot carefully into the kilt Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toe in the roomy kilt. "Who! What! Huh! Guh! Xan! Your boobs must be bleedin' enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big boobs, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "finger tips."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of messy black Victoria Secrets with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the bras and things and sliding them dumbly up over his ankle to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright yellow vintage Leggings.

Xander paid for the bras and things and then took Spike by the arm as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to McDonalds and buy me chocolate cake?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you lick it all the way home."

(Note from Sue: Extra points to Loopy for making me giggle both times I typed "bras and things." And for making me picture Xan in a kilt. Shades of Repossession…)

 

by paynbow

Spike and Xander went to Zellers to buy Xander a new pair of lederhosen. Spike ate in happiness as he looked around at the rows of shimmery new frilly blouses.

Xander smiled hastily and slipped off his ginch to try on lederhosen. "What do you think of this?" he said, holding up the stretchy brown lederhosen for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much flashier foot carefully into the ginch Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toe in the roomy ginch. "For the love of crumbcake, Xan! Your finger must be bleedin' enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big finger, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "eyeball."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of dusty black Abercrombie and Fitch's with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the jeans and sliding them hurriedly up over his ankle to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright yellow vintage Big Shoulderpad Inc.

Xander paid for the jeans and then took Spike by the nose as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to TGI Friday's and buy me a burrito?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you tying knots in it with your tongue all the way home."

(Note from Sue: Extra points for paynbow for making me look up ginch at urbandictionary.com. "Standard men's briefs. Often connotes particularly old, worn-out, dirty, or generally nasty items." She also scored high for the use of lederhosen.)

 

by anelith

Spike and Xander went to Home Depot to buy Xander a new pair of tie-dye t-shirts. Spike raked in spite as he looked around at the rows of furry new socks.

Xander smiled sharply and slipped off his pants to try on tie-dye t-shirts. "What do you think of this?" he said, holding up the jealous brown tie-dye t-shirt for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much kinder foot carefully into the pants Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toe in the roomy pants. "Jinkies, Xan! Your little toe must be bleedin' enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big little toe, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "skull."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of purple-black L.L. Beans with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the wellies and sliding them quickly up over his ankle to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright tangerine vintage Polos.

Xander paid for the wellies and then took Spike by the thigh as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to Cracker Barrel and buy me country ham?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you nibble it all the way home."

(Note from Sue: Jealous Brown Tie-Dye is now the name of the band I'm going to start.)

 

Sue's original and much less entertaining story:

Spike and Xander went to the shoe store to buy Xander a new pair of shoes. Spike sighed in irritation as he looked around at the rows of shiny new shoes.

Xander smiled encouragingly and slipped off his sneakers to try on boots. "What do you think of this?" he said, holding up the bulky brown work boot for Spike's approval.

Spike shrugged, sliding his much smaller foot carefully into the sneaker Xander had removed. "Looks like all the rest you own." He wiggled his toe in the roomy sneaker. "Bloody hell, Xan! Your feet must be bleedin' enormous!"

"Well, you know what they say," Xander said with a waggle of his brows. "Big feet, big..." he looked around carefully and then whispered, "cock."

Spike's eyes gleamed. "What about these?" he asked, lifting a pair of shiny black Docs with the tips of his fingers.

"Give 'em here," Xander sighed, taking the boots and sliding them slowly up over his ankle to tie them in place. "Hmm...not bad. Just like yours."

"Could have made you get those," Spike said, nodding to a pair of bright orange vintage Pumas.

Xander paid for the boots and then took Spike by the hand as they walked out of the shop. "Okay," he said, grinning, "I was good. I got what you wanted. Can we go to Baskin Robbins and buy me ice cream?"

Spike squeezed Xander's hand. "Long as I can watch you lick it all the way home."

(Note from Sue: Well, that was boring.)


 
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